Saturday, November 6, 2010
All the Makings of a Good Hockey Fight
My husband and I got free tickets to a hockey game last night. We love going to hockey games! Since Veterans Day is coming up, the team celebrated veterans at the game. During the game, the faces of veterans in attendance were flashed on the Jumbotron. At one point, they showed 3 older vets sitting together - 2 white men and a very dark-skinned black man who was sporting some of the most beautiful dreadlocks I have ever seen. The image made me smile. I mean, what wasn't there to like? They were veterans, they appeared to be friends, they were different races of people who shared a common history and they were smiling and clearly having a good time together. My happiness over the scene was short lived. It was completely shattered by some a$$hole behind me that said to his buddy, "I don't even know what the f*ck that is!". "That" meaning the black man on the screen. It was the most horrible feeling. It felt like someone had let all the air out of my lungs. I was stunned and I was furious and I was hurt. And sad. So, so sad. My husband didn't hear the comment, but when I repeated it to him, he knew immediately what the "that" was referring to. He loudly said, "Oh, that's nice!" with more than a little hint of sarcasm but I doubt the person behind us even made the connection. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes and I literally bit my thumb to try and stop the tears from falling. It was useless. I was so upset that I started to cry right there in the middle of the arena. I wanted to turn around and tell the guy off. I wanted to say to him, "'That' is a human being! He's also a veteran who was willing to give his life so you could be free to sit here and make a sickening comment like that." I wanted to pull out a picture of my kids and tell him to watch his mouth - that just because he was sitting by white people he shouldn't assume his comment wouldn't affect anyone. But it shouldn't matter that my kids are black. It was wrong from him to say regardless of who heard it. I wanted to punch him in the face. Over 24 hours later I am still beating myself up for not saying something to him. It didn't have to be anything big, but just something to let him know that what he said was wrong. I know that with someone like that, it probably wouldn't have made a difference, but it would have made me feel better knowing that I did something. I feel like I failed my kids. Has this ever happened to you?!?!
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It has happened to me. And I felt like a complete failure for several days. Until a friend of mine kept reminding me that I wouldn't have changed this person's opinion and I probably would have put myselft in danger letting him know what a redneck jerk he was!
ReplyDeleteWe had gone out to eat after church with about 4 families, I forgot something in the car for S and ran out to get it. She was probably 6-9 months old. 3 people walked out in front of me and one turned around and yelled in the middle of the parking lot "What the hell are you doing here with your N-----ling!" I was stunned, froze couldn't hardly walk to my car. They were 2 big men and a woman a few years older than me. I never even knew that word existed and I never thought my baby would so offend anyone. And we were at a Mexican restaurant, if your so racist why eat there too? I sized up the fight and tried to remember which officers were on duty that day, and decided to keep my mouth shut and my fists to myself. I didn't know if they were packing in the huge pickup truck they hopped into.
I beat myself up for days for not yelling back or throwing something at their heads! But it wouldn't change their minds. And S wasn't in their presence when it was said. If she had been there I would have said something to her to address their racists comments for sure.
(hugs)
((((Oh Robin)))).... yes, similar things have happened to me. I always go over and over what I could have said... what I SHOULD have said. There can be so much ugliness. :(
ReplyDeleteOh man what a hard thing. It's so sad and it is just a reminder of how far we have to go, and how important it is to teach our kids about racism and prepare them. You did perfect, if we tried to fight every jerk out there we'd only be putting more on us. (hugs)
ReplyDeleteYes, it's happened to my family on Easter morning when we were teens. We were at a restaurant having breakfast and my sister was with us of course(who is black and has quadraplegic cerebal palsy so has to eat stuff that is put in the food processor similar to baby food). Some jerk stood up and loudly said ON EASTER MORNING "I need to find a different seat because THAT is disgusting." We were all so angry but my aunt stood and said "Happy Easter, sir" with just a hint of sarcasm. Ugh.
I'm sure you read my blog post about last week when I kicked a friend of a friend out of my house for very racist remarks (and ongoing comments). I think its a good thing when these things happen when our kids are little because it gives us a chance to practice responding, to think about what happend and process it, and to come up with a way to deal with it in the future.
ReplyDeleteI too have had times when I didn't say something and then felt worse when I got home. Now I am better about saying something. Even if you aren't going to change their mind, pointing it out may make them think twice next time. It does take a conscious effort to think about different situations and come up with a response that is appropriate to give in front of your kids. Our responses will impact how our children learn to respond to racism.
Hang in there! Just remember you are a family and will address these issues TOGETHER!
Interesting. I would have assumed that was a homophobic comment not a racist one. It's offensive either way. Sorry that jerk ruined a perfectly nice game.
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